Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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