I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
