im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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