At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
