He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
