All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
