Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
