I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
