ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
