can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
two words...techno handjob
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
