The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
