i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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