she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
