god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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