i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
