Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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