I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
