Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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