I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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