I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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