I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
