Michael Bay diarrhea
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
