Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
