You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's never too late to be topless.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
