Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize