i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
