i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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