wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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