this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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