420 ftw
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
