If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
