I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
