If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
