none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
