Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
