yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize