on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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