i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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