How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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