She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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