Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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