i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
