i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
