what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize