I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
