I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
