you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
