Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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