Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize