I wish I could punch you in the face.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
