one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize