Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
