I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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