we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
