I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
