somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw a hot homeless man
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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