I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
