it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize