yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize