one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
