from now on my penis is your penis
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
wow bdsm is so cute
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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