no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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