I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
