If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
