I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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