I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
