People in love make me want to vomit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
