I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize