He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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