Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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