I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
