You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
