Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
