New invention idea: vibrating tampons
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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