I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
