I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
