I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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