Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a toothbrush?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
