I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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