You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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