Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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