So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
