fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
