I wish I could teleport
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
