Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
