Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize