There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
