they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we're so committed to being not committed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
