awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize