No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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