I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
