were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
