My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this will be a night to untag.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
