Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
