I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
