Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
