so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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